About Bloody Time!

About Bloody Time!

In the words of Nurse Jackie, “Are you fucking kidding me!?!” Yes I mean it – what is fucking wrong with the world? At the moment I am so frustrated and for once I would love for things to be perfect, even if for only one word. I would love to have a day where everything was going fine, a day where I had money, a day where I could eat as much as I wanted and didn’t put any weight on – I mean I want a seven deadly fucking sins day. I know I saying fuck a lot, but I feel really angry. You know when you get really really depressed, you sit, you cry and you feel like you’re nothing, well I am that but in reverse! Confused? Think about it for a moment... keep thinking I ain’t explaining; nothing is going right. I left university over a year ago and I’ve had one shitty job and nothing else. Just like when you’re depressed you feel like giving up, but you don’t (unless you’re a really freaked out person with suicidal tendencies) because you still have your insane little self to keep you company. I am wrecking my head over the jobcentre – honestly I don’t have a clue why? Maybe because I am trying so hard to get a better life or better career by working my arse off (maybe not that hard, but I’m still doing it). People say life isn’t fair and you just get on with it, “seriously?” I would think it’s about time life gave me a fucking break and let me do what I know I can. Who gives a shit about a 1^st, a 2:2 or a 3^rd, I still got a fucking degree and the school I went to told my parents I would never see the halls of a university! I spent the best three years of my life doing something that has changed me forever; changed me for the better. This is why I started to make people call me Kev and not Kevin. I felt like I had moved on from the child I was. I used to write poetry or little diaries to get out my frustrations or angry moments, but now I am writing paragraphs of an in your face attitude, laying down what people need to hear. If I was stood in front of you reading this out, you’d have shit yourself by now.

Moving on... I want to be a person who helps others, inspires them to think for their self and to show them that there is always another answer to a question. Okay so two plus two is four and that is one answer; but how do you get to that point with a child. It is automatic for an adult to realise that “2 + 2 = 4”, but looking at that the number “2” means feck all for a child. There is no indication that it makes “4”; by now the less bright star in the class is thinking “WTF”. For a child you have to make everything into a “1” and from there anything is possible. Two of these “1” makes up a “2”, so four of these would make up “4”, so now I am realising for myself I should be doing a PCGE and heading down the line of Primary School Teaching. If I could make a film of my life, you would understand me a little more. Now I feel like crying because I don’t know what I am doing anymore – maybe I should write fun books for kids; unique ways for them to learn or just realise that I should have taken the path of doing what everyone thinks when you do English at university. So if I am completely honest I haven’t a fucking clue in hell of what I am doing or what I want to do. Maybe I chose advertising because I thought it would be cool, because I am creative or because I can be quite artistic. I can do anything I put my mind to and all I need is a chance to show it. I always said that if I ever had my own bar, that I would never hold interviews only auditions. It is better to see somebody working in the job, than to see a shit load of crap on a CV – yes you can bullshit and write you have excellent communication, because it’s what they want to hear. But when you put your head down and don’t say a word or listen to what people are saying or don’t communicate with other staff about current situations, then you have shit communication; and you’re a fucking liar – and untrustworthy. For every one lie, a shit storm awaits – that is my quote, just came up with that!

You know there is something wrong with yourself when you A: can’t sleep, B: don’t want to sleep or C: won’t sleep because you’re being a creative fucker! Would have to say this is the first time I have ever sectioned things off and wrote actually paragraphs – though this feels like a conversation with myself, like when you start talking to someone about chocolate cake and end on sex toys; how the fuck did we get there? I have been watching “Nurse Jackie” for the last three days (not straight) and I kinda feel I am getting my connective attitude back; yes I did say connective. When I say connective, I mean I am connecting myself back into my wonderful weird world of writing and it has been a while! I need music, it is too quite; also think it is the first time I have wrote without listening to music. Wanted to listen to gaydar radio, but Ke$ha is on and I ain’t in the mood, so I would guess that Glee is the way to go; here I come youtube. Confusing how I am writing in present tense and you will be reading this is past tense – kinda makes my writing immortal doesn’t it?

Please have a little Patience...

"Patience is a virtue"

"Not right now it isn't"

For those who have patiences, I salut you and for those who do not well good luck. I went for a haircut today, got off at a station I do not really know and when I went back the train times seemed quite simple - but after nearly hour of sitting there, standing up and looking down the tracks and not seeing a train coming, I soon found the information to be shite! However three trains did pass me, but not one stopped. I wanted to get to Liverpool earlier than 5pm so I could at least enjoy sometime in one of the art galleries, but that never happened. Kinda pissed me off that I could not get to see anything. Now I have a lot of patience, but sometimes life just likes to piss you off. TBH I made the most of now being in Liverpool and a wander around some the shops that were still open. As the city seemed a little dead I decided to have a coffee and sit down and do a bit of writing. Now starbucks was very busy (so this is where everyone was). whatever I was doing in Liverpool was a change from the reality of Widnes; so it was great to escape the routine.

The weather was lovely, but Liverpool was quite empty compared to how packed it normally is. Ow!!! Brain Freeze!!! I got a Frappa on the go. IDK what it is but there's a few hotties walking around in Liverpool today; nice tight T-shirts. I actually do not feel like writing today - I just wanna wonder around the male scenary. *Ooo naughty boy*

Wow, despite saying it was warm, I actually feel fucking freezing. Must be the Frappa's fault! Well looks like I am gonna go for a wandwer and warm up in the sunshine. I need to stop writing because my writing is hard to read and typing this up is a challenge! Now that's how to confuse people, because that last sentence is past, present and future of writing. Everything written is these blogs is something I have wrote before or earlier on paper when I've been out and about!

Okay after a having a good wander around the town it seemed poitnless apart from buying some vest tops in Primark. Cinema was pointless as nothing on till later on - meaning 9pm and it is like 4pm. Ooo moving, yeh after 20 minutes of sitting here on the train; not had much luck with trains today. Okay what was I on about? Ah yes the poitnless shite! Was going to go to my favourite restaurant, but it was completely packed out, and though I don't mind sitting on my own and was not going to do it with the placed packed and look like a complete retard, sta there on my own. I was really looking forward to my ginger chicken with Udon noodles. I could also taste the pickled ginger on the tip of my tongue; I can always taste it!

I'm about to go completely random and talk a load of shite that might be shite or somewhat entertaining...

There's a constant wonder as what happens if we take chances on different things (I secretly mean - men) and wonder if the outcome will throw us into a new reality. I do think it would give us new enjoyment, stop us from being bored all the time and stop moaning our arses off on FB; because really some of those status' are sooo so sooooooooo depressing and instead of a like or dislike button there should be a "Go shoot yourself" button. And people really need to come up with something better than "I'm BORED" - believe me there are so many entertaining online games & sites to turn to when you are bored. Plus there are other ways to enrtain yourself - PORN! Porn was not created as an alternative to blockbuster films. Come on, lube up your hand or vibrator and get the love juices flowing. LMAO! I bet you just cringed or pissed yourself laughing. If not, welcome to the straight-forwardness of a guy who says stuff like this all the time and doesn't even snigger before he says it. If you're gonna sayit, just go with it. Sometimes you just gotta say these things, it's only the truth. I could have been worse - bet you're now thinking "I wish I had gone to find those games instead of reading on". But there I go making you read on, just because my title decribed you and what the outcome would be.

"Laughter is good for the soul & evey now and then everyone needs a laugh..."

To Be Friendly or Not To Be Friendly... What Ever A Question?

What is it? We meet people and in an instance we consider the possibilty of friendship, we invite them to future events and plan what we will doing in a month from now; but we only met them an hour ago! There is an instant click with some people and you will see them being your best friends forever or till the day you die. Most of the time you see best friend qualities in people, but really they are not worthy of the title - they become somewhat of a temporary gift, that you are only allowed test run and then you either submit the results or toss it in the bin - so clearly what is the whole point.

I have my best friends and close friends and then I also have the occasional friends. My best friends are the ones have made an impact on my life and have been there to support me through the hard times. My close friends are the ones who now we to well and know when I am not my self and the occasional friends are those I haven't spoke to in many months, even years, but they still know what I'm all about; unless I dramatically change and there is a much needed reunion.

We meet people everyday, we share life with them, but honestly that does not make them automatically a friend - they are just a person we know for now - that is until we have met several times and they get their staus badge. Some people are looking for comfort in other people and they automatically suggest that you are already friends - this kinda pisses me off and does make me consider why should I bother? Offically facebook for me is getting shite, but it's the only place for me to keep in contact with my actual friends, I have considered deleting everyone I have not spoke to in six months and just have the friends on there that are interested in my current life; such as the people who are in my phone and my family! One day this is about to come about and people may shit themselves wondering why I have de-friended them and this is the suggesting of my title - "To be friendly or not to be friendly..." - of course people will say it works both ways, but I have sent messages to people and still had no reply. I'm currently at 199 friends on facebook, when I once had close to 500 and I still want to reduce the numbers. It is almost like I wish to start again...

In honest the amount of friends I have rid my life of are the ones who carry bloody knives around with them ready to stab me in the back once again. I cannot stadn people who lie or afraid to say what needs to be said to your face. You cannot go through life hiding in the shadows, you have to stay out in the light and be true to the nature of your soul. Oooo that was a bit deep, but I'm deep and true!

Okay so leaving with the original question - To be friendly or not to be friendly... What ever a question?

Was Rome Built In A Day? Err... Hell No!

What is with careers advisers? Once you have an to persue, understand that the timeline on the idea will take a long to process, but they automatically think that you want or say that you are what you want to be there in the moment.

"I think she woke up one morning and said, I think I'll be a lawyer"

Okay, I am stealing quotes from Legally Blonde, but not everything is fantasy and straightforward as that. But at least I am being realistic and looking into it and researching what I need to before I jump in with both feet. Right better tell you why they got offensive... I was suggesting to go into Careers Advice or Recruitment. Everytime you say to a Careers Adviser that you would love to do their job, they bring the steel barrier and concrete blockades and force you in the opposite direction. they make it sound like their job is the hardest thing to do, but really I believe a fresh head and fresh ideas are needed for a new generation. A couple of years ago it was easy to get a job, but now with Cameron in office, more and more people everyday are being made redundant.

When I was in university I had a 50 yr old Careers Adviser telling that I had to be a certain of kind of character to get a certain type of job... WTF??? This is what I stronger believe against, the person you are is the person who gets employed for who they are in the interview - sure you can play an act to get that certain job you want, but really that is something that lies within you and shows that you can do anything to get the job you want.

No one seems to know where to look for the right job, you basically get told that the job you want is out there, but really sometimes it is but it requires a certain type of individual. Everyone has a range of skills, you just have to find out what they are - try everything you possibly can, do not let anyone tell you cannot do it because you basically have not got a clue; you never know till you try.

Okay, time to wind down on this rant, because I think I have said all I want and do not want to insult anyone. Careers Advisers make good points, but sometimes they tend to judge people for the ideas they have. Sometimes I may have wild and wacky ideas flying around everywhere, but I have them, they are my dreams to think higher and think of ways to better myself. However unrealistic they may sound I believe it is better to have fall-backs on things which do seems out of my range, but really everyone has that 5 yr old child inside them that wants to aspire to be a policeman, a fireman, a ballerina, a dancer, a vet, a zookeeper, a pilot and so on. At that age, all you know is that job sounds cool, because the little fire engine truck you push around the living room is fantastic and if you become a fireman, you get to drive one and honk the horn - but little is known that you put your life on the line to save others from dangerous situations. When a person is 5 yrs old, it is cute that he wants to be a fireman; when a person is 25 yrs old and wants to be a fireman, it's no longer cute and we are made to see the bigger picture - do you really want to be a fireman - are you sure this is what you want to do - do you have any experience - do you have the right qualifications? All these questions really do not comfort any who wants to aspire to do what they dream - but however it may sound you can still do anything you want to. I went to university with people who were 50+, they did the same work as me and stuck at it! Most wanting to pursue a career afterwards. What really annoys me is that around the age of 16 - 30, Careers Advisers want you to be realistic, but I ask the question of -

"WHY SHOULD WE BE REALISTIC, WHEN WHATEVER LIES WITHIN OUR DREAMS CAN BE TURNED INTO REALITY WITH A LITTLE HARDWORK!"

Friends... They come and go; sometimes you're glad they are gone!

In your life you meet people who become friends, but some are short lived. The thing is you meet these people and get on the first time you meet them, you add them on facebook, you swap phone numbers and you have a few good nights out with them; and then something changes. You realise they are not your friends, but people you just happen to know. To truly call someone a friend, you need to at least have known them for more than a year and know that everytime you meet up nothing has changed. Okay, I am about to go on a mini rant that might not make much sense, so if you are not ready, leave now! I define friends as the special people in your life that make you smile, when you see them. Friends never talk behind your back and are completely comfortable to tell you straight if you happen to piss them off. What I can't be doing with is people bullshitting behind your back. I know I am not perfect, but the real friends in your life already know this. Also friends don't leave you stranded in the middle of nowhere; most of the time they are lost with you.

I have had many people in my life that have been friendly towards me, but in the end of it all, I cannot come to call them friends. I love it when people ask if you trust them and TBH I find it hard to trust people, because I somehow know that one day I will be stabbed in the back. There are really no nice people left in the world, everyone is out to gain power over each other. It's the shepard & sheep theory - everyone wants to be the sheapard and lead a heard of sheep - okay lets rephrase - people want to be in control and have follows they can puch around and have them do what they want to. I am a free spirit and no one has control over me. I will do and think for myself, have my own mind and follow my own heart.

People tend wonder why I fell out with them, it's basically because I cannot stand for putting up with their shit anymore. They say I am their friend, but really I was never a friend. One guy, said I was his gay gay bestfriend, but really I think he just needed a gay friend who he had not had sex with, where he had destroyed the relationship with each individual. It almost like they need some sort of clarity in their life, to believe that they are such a prick. Ouch! I'm a bit of a bitch! :P But then again I also destroyed any kind of friendship that may have arised by biting back! I won't say what I did, because you don't really need to know; but it wasn't too bad!

There are other people you believe have been sincere, but underneath they have bitched to other people about how annoying and then the truth comes out. True friends tell you everything, that's how you can call them BEST FRIENDS!

Some friends come and go, but when they go you are glad they are gone; and you really want them to stay the hell away. You wanna know why I deleted you from my life? The answer is very simple, friends do not bitch behind your back, they do not gossip and let the world know your troubles, they never let you down and they are always there for you when you need them the most!